Wordless Wednesday

Sort of.  I've added a quote.  (this picture was of Cash a year and half ago.  he looks so little!)

But don't you agree with me?!?!  Ha ha....

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking...

Someone had pinned it on Pinterest and I definitely felt it was worth sharing. 


They're always watching....

Oh Gosh. I Turned Into "That" Parent.

I will get to the story behind the title of my post in a bit.  But first ... I wanted to start off by saying how much I have forgotten how beautiful the city is I live in.  And how much "free" stuff there actually is to do here.

Labor Day Friday Cale took off early and decided to take us on a short trip into "the city".  He parked by Exploration Place and took us on a walk around the river.  I italicized "river" because that's what it's suppose to be.  But as you can see ... it has been so dry here all summer (near severe drought) that the city actually needs to mow the river.  It's sad.

Here's what the river looked like a year ago (courtesy of Wikipedia):

Taking It Day by Day

I left some of you clueless as to what had happened to Cale's Mom.  And while I know that none of my stalkers personally know myself or my family ... somehow you are still all very much a part of our lives.

Lora (Cale's Mom) suffered another major stroke.  I say "another" because this is her 3rd major stroke.  Not counting the many mini ones she's had since her first debilitating one in 2006 ...... just a few months before our wedding.  I will never forget that day.  I was at work when Cale called.  I could hear what he said but I couldn't process it.  I immediately left work and drove down to Wellington to be with my fiance.  I don't know how fast I was going nor do I remember the drive.  The 45 min ride seemed like eternity though.  But when I got there ... it still all seemed like a dream.  There was Lora ... lying on the hospital bed with machines coming out of her.  I said hi and went over to her side.  She could mouth the words (sort of - droopy like) but nothing more than a "mmmmm" came out of her mouth along with a slight head nod.  I wanted to break down and cry.  I just could not come to terms with it.  They then transferred her to St Francis in Wichita where she would receive better care.  And it was there that we found out the hand that Lora was dealt with when she was born....

Anticardiolipin Syndrome.
A disorder that is characterized by excessive clotting of blood, recurrent fetal loss, and a reduction in the number of platelets.  Approximately 2% of the US population has this disorder.  And I strongly am starting to think that at least 1% of the 2 is Lora's family.

We have always heard stories of how Lora's Dad died very young (in his 40's) but nobody really knew why.  He was tall, skinny, and seemingly healthy.  They compared him to my husband.

It is unfortunate that Lora had to have a stroke to find out that her dad, her brother Butch, and herself .... were all dealt the same hand at birth.  And it was not until after Cassius and Christopher did we find out that unfortunately ... Anticardiolipin Syndrome can (and obviously is in their case) hereditary. 
I love my little boys more than anything in this world.  And so does Cale.  But after hearing everything and going through all of this ... we wish we'd known sooner that his syndrome is being passed down the line.  In all honesty ... we would've thought twice about having children.  Cale has been tested for this disease.  And out of the four levels they tested, one of his was slightly elevated.  Lora could never remember to get her medical records released to our family doctor to find out if it was the same level as hers and so Cale was put on Aspirin until more tests are ran and we can compare Lora's results to his.  We are always going to have to constantly check the boys' platelet levels for the rest of their life. 


But you want to know what pisses me off the most?

The medical care my mother-in-law has been receiving has been terrible up until being transferred to Via Christi recently.  She had an impairing stroke in 2006.  Was put on a blood thinner.  She has done fine up until a couple years ago when she was losing blood and had to keep getting transfusions.  She went through a major transfusion about a month ago and her QUACK OF A F'IN DOCTOR took her off her Coumidin (blood thinner).  WTF?!?  She was doing fine.  Yes she had to have a transfusion here and there ... but it was nothing that was slowly killing her like this stroke she just had.  I strongly believe that had he not taken her off the Coumidin ... she never would have had this recent stroke.  I have so many questions for this doctor but I have a feeling that nothing more would come out than a punch to his gut.  I want him to feel what we've felt over the last few days.  I take that back ... I wouldn't wish this pain, this confusion, this helpless feeling, nor this anger on my worst enemy.  Another f'ing piece of my mother-in-law has died.  We will never get that piece back regardless of how extensive rehab is.  And if I could strip this doctor's license away from him myself .... I would.

At this point:  It's hard to say how much Lora will get back.  She still has no feeling on her right side.  She still cannot remember the baby's first name.  Nor other things that we question her about.  And she is still having a hard time speaking.  It's there ... it just won't come out.

Lora is not only the most beautiful person I know ... she is the strongest fighter I have ever met.  She was able to leave critical care today which meant we got to take the boys up to see her.  We explained to Cashie how Nana would be and I'll tell you ... he did soooooo good.  He was scared to hug her in case he hurt her but other than that ... he talked to her like nothing ever happened.  He made sure to bring it up to her that somewhere in her house she has a talking Buzz and Woody and he wants her to find them for him.  Which means that will be the first thing on Nana's priority list once she gets done with rehab in a few months.  She may not walk at rehab or ever again for that matter ... but if her grandson asks for a Buzz that's lost somewhere in her house ... she will slide down her basement stairs and crawl on the floor if she has to so that she can locate Buzz & Woody.

I love that woman.  I wish everyone had the opportunity to know her too.  She makes you want to be a better person.  She's a female version of my husband.  She ornery, quick-witted, and stubborn.  She lights up the room the second she walks in.  And she can have a good laugh at herself (which is one thing I have yet to learn from her).

She's one of my best friends.


Over the next couple of weeks I will be researching, participating, volunteering, and advocating Stroke Awareness.  Stay tuned.

Dear God,

I've never prayed for something so hard in my life.  But this isn't just a prayer ... this is me demanding something. 

I just wanted to tell you that You can't have her yet!!  Her time on earth isn't done.  It can't be.  The boys still need to see her one last time.  And not with tubes or IV's or in a hospital bed.  And honestly ... selfish Amanda isn't strong enough to hold Cale up.  I'm taking this a lot harder than he is.  I can't sleep.  I can't eat.  I wasn't prepared for this.  I looked forward to her being there when BOTH boys started school for the first time. 

She's the person I look up to the most.  She's the reason I let my kids have chips for breakfast.  She's the reason I go to Sonic at 7:00 at night because Cashie wants ice cream.  She raised two of the most amazing men I have ever met. 

She barely knows Christopher.  She needs to see what his personality is going to be like.  Will he be ornery like his big brother.  Or will he stay our sweet little snuggler.  Will he like Rock N Roll and KISS too?  Or will he be my little country boy.  I know regardless she'll look down and see all of us.  But it's not the same.  I need to give her a hug.  I need to tell her I love you more than once.  I need to see her smile and hear her laugh.  I want her to call the baby:  Christopher John Dietrich one more time - eventho she knows thats not his real name.  I need her to send me an email again and tell me how much she loves us and misses us.

She's the most beautiful person I have ever met.

I'm not strong enough, God.  I'm not strong enough to talk to Cash about death yet and how Nana is never coming back.  It was hard enough telling him she's sick and in the hospital.  I don't know how to answer his questions yet. 

I need to know my husband is okay.  Because I'm not, God.  She's not just my mother-in-law.  She's the reason I'm such a good Mom.  She's the reason my husband opens the door for me and loves me unconditionally.  She's the reason I have two beautiful boys and the most handsome man for a husband.

This isn't just a prayer to make Lora come out okay.  This is a prayer for strength for all of us.


If you need her more than we do, God ... I need you to please give us all the strength to get through this. 



"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  - Philippians 4:13